beauty within

Let the hunt begin

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. The snow has finally vanished for another seven months or so (fingers crossed), the buds are sprouting and the birds are all atwitter as they sing their cheerful mating songs.

But what I love most of all is the ability to get back outside to hunt for agates, nature's little jewels of happiness.

Nothing relaxes me more than slowly meandering down a country road, eyes laser focused downward as I search, and scan and hope.

Countless times, I have passed right over some beauties, only to be discovered by someone else seconds later as they walk by. It's easy to miss them because they are not always so pretty at first glance. In fact, most are covered with a layer that is downright plain, ugly, and rusty colored.

One of many jars in our collection

From a distance of five feet away, I only see the superficial and the superficial does not look anything like the inside.

True beauty lies deep beneath the surface.

People have done extensive research to determine how agates are formed and from what I can understand, it basically involves volcanic activity, lava and gas. The striations and color are all affected by a series of these types of events, creating a unique, one of a kind pattern, its own little fingerprint. And these prints can only be seen when part of the agate is chipped off or found in pieces.

True beauty is revealed through brokenness.

Ones with ugly outside (top left), bullseye (right), and the beautifully
polished (bottom)

The ones I love the most have many defined layers which are enhanced after they have gone through an extensive polishing process. In order to achieve that shiny luster, the agates are tumbled for weeks with different levels of grit to wear away the rough edges until all that's left is a super smooth, glass like finish.

Like a piece of charcoal under pressure to create a diamond or a butterfly breaking out of its cocoon, true beauty is born from adversity.

Above are some of my collection. You can see different types at various stages, each special because of its own qualities.

I hope you are able to find beauty all around you, even in the seemingly insignificant or mundane. Sometimes all it takes is a closer or deeper look, or simply the reminder that difficult times can produce wonderful endings.

So next time you're walking down a dirt road or even passing by landscape rock in a parking lot, look down. You just never know what you might discover.

let the Light in

What are shadows 

but the absence of light

If you haven't noticed by now, I find endless inspiration in nature and desserts. So rich. So much variety. So little time to experience it all!

I love standing in my kitchen with a hot cup of coffee warming my hands as I relish the morning sunrise. It's such a glorious experience. Each new day is a clean slate, ushering in hope, possibility and opportunity. If no one else in the house is awake yet, I can spend ten peaceful, blissful minutes just staring, dreaming and imagining. I can talk to God, uninterrupted, and hopefully hear something in return.

The other day, I couldn't help but focus on the long shadows cast over my yard, almost reaching house, It seemed like the trees were trying to stretch out their branchy arms to spread out everywhere and block out my precious light. To prevent me from basking fully in the warm glow of the sun and receiving the maximum vitamin D available to me. 

Shadows, cast by obstacles, obstructions, and intrusions.

What shadows in my life keep me from a life of complete exposure to the Light?

Shadows of doubt.
Shadows of jealousy.
Shadows of past failures.

How do I remove the shadows?

Go around the obstacles.
Remove the obstacles.
Blow them up.

In this case, the obstacles are trees. Trees that started as a seed, took root and grew stronger and taller over time. Trees that have become so well established that it's hard to picture life without them.

Experiences planted seeds of doubt, jealousy and fear of repeat failure.

Maybe I watered them along the way and helped them thrive. Or maybe I just ignored them and hoped they would go away.

In either case, the work of removing them is hard. To fell a deep-rooted tree requires a plethoric amount of chopping, sawing and cutting. Removing thought patterns and behaviors and relearning and replacing them with new ones is also a monumental feat but as Benjamin Franklin stated, "Little strokes fell great oaks."

And although I am absolutely thrilled by the idea of using TNT, I know it's time to sharpen my saw, roll up my sleeves, and get to work.

I hope that you find the strength and endurance to remove whatever blocks out the light in your life too. Let's get busy like beavers together!

timmmmmberrrrr!

trapped in a beautiful place

There is a cartoon with a funny caption that says,"The air hurts my face. Why am I living where the air hurts my face." Pictured is a sad person with the weight of a big frown on his face, pulling his head so low that it seems to almost force him to the ground. I don't know why it makes me chuckle, but it does. Every time.

This great state I live in - Minnesota, is full of those faces especially this time of year when it's cold, dark and we are so over winter. Stick a fork in it; it's done!

So why do we live here? Or the million dollar question: Why do we stay?

For most people, they were born here. I was lucky enough to be shipped here when I was a baby - from South Korea, just in case you were wondering. You'd be amazed how often I have to clarify that. No, not NORTH Korea! 

We have family here. We have friends here. We have those pesky things called jobs or careers. Running away to a tropical island in the sun sounds amazing, but realistic? Not so much. For me, I dream of moving to Colorado. Mostly because I think I could actually succeed in convincing my better half to go that far. But I fantasize about LIVING THE DREAM in Alaska. Yes, that would be me running the B & B, making delectable food and mouth-watering desserts for the hungry travelers. My desire to move 'North the the Future' proves that I don't despise the cold. Just call me Elsa.

For me, it's a more favorable alternative than melting under the heat and humidity of summer. In times of cold, you can always layer on more and more. But in times of misery and heat, you can only take off so much...

This is the first time in my life that I have thoroughly enjoyed walking in the winter time. When the cold air blasts my face and threatens to freeze my face into an awkward state of permagrin, it makes me feel alive. Shivers run through my body and my eyes water like there's no tomorrow. The sheer madness of it all spurs me on, step after step. One foot in front of the other. If it's possible to get high off spending time in nature, then I guess this is it for me.

While I was out today, I happened to look down and see these leaves frozen into place, perfectly outlined by a thin sheet of ice. It made me think of my earlier question of why we live here. Due to whatever circumstances, forced or chosen, I am kindof stuck here, but there is beauty in that. It's just for a time. Just for a season. It won't last forever. Spring will arrive, and with that, freedom.

I don't want to miss the wonderful things right in front of me while I wait for whatever Spring represents in my life.

this my belly loves

Ever since I can remember, this has been my favorite restaurant in the whole wide world. Before I continue, I know you are thinking, "Girl, you really need to get out more!" Trust me. I do. A lot. My tongue has experienced culinary deliciousness all over MN and even remote places in England and Wales. But this is the place I always go back to. This is the only place that can satisfy that deep craving, that quiets my begging, pleading brain. Two simple things: Egg rolls and fish sauce. No one else makes them like they do here. No one. I have searched and scoured and been sadly disappointed. I kinda feel like it's similar to lasagna. The basic concept is the same, but everyone's recipe tastes just a little differently than the next.

Which makes me think that the appeal is more than just the food although the food is the primary motivator. Maybe it's the ambiance. Uptown is a pretty unique place. I love to people watch. And the surrounding businesses can be quite entertaining as well. Back in the day when I was younger (much younger), I remember looking out the window of the restaurant and staring directly at Condom Kingdom. I had no idea what that place was but it sure piqued my interest. A kingdom? Are there kings and queens there, I wondered? Maybe I asked my parents, I can't remember. Or maybe I got distracted by the lady trying to parallel park outside the window like it was bumper cars. Forward (crash)-reverse(dent)-forward (bigger crash)-reverse(oops, but yay, I'm in!).

Maybe it was because I brought the special people in my life there. Family. Friends. Boyfriends. Future husband. Maybe it was a sort of a trial to see if they would pass the "Do You Love It As Much As I Do Or This Relationship Cannot Continue" test. I'm not 100% sure of many things in life, but I would bet the farm that there is a special connection between good memories and the taste buds.

Whatever the case, I openly admit that nostalgia runs high for me when I am there. But so do my salivary glands. When the egg rolls are place in front of me and I drown them in a sea of the special fish sauce, I can't help but think that this plate in front me, what I am about to consume, is more proof that God loves me and wants me to be happy. So very happy.

a new day dawning

Sunrise in my backyard

I heard a quote from Craig Groeschel this week, "Just because God is silent does not mean He is absent." I've been feeling like He has been a little lot out of the picture lately, or perhaps like me, you relate more to the well-known, "Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?"

Good people have passed away unexpectedly.
Good people have been the recipients of really bad news.
Good people have been the victims of others' misguided, unjustified anger.

I've been praying, but He does not seem to be answering.
I've been seeking Him, but He doesn't not seem to be found.

God, where are You?

Then I hear the still, small voice remind me so gently and lovingly. "I will never leave you." The words echo through my mind. "You are not alone."

Just like the sun, the clouds of life may roll in and cover its brilliance. The grey may hide the glory for a time. For a season. But not forever.

The other morning as I was schlepping kids to school, the sun was finally making a highly desired appearance, sandwiched between two layers of dark clouds. I basked in it as well as I could while still driving safely, but after only a few minutes of solar bliss, the bright orb disappeared behind the smoky masses and seemed to fade away like a flashlight on its last few drops of battery juice. 

The thought occurred to me. Just because I can’t see the sun, do I ever doubt its existence? Have I ever doubted its existence? Of course not. Obviously, I would like it to shine more brightly and more often in my world, but it is still at work somewhere, shining on someone! And like God, just because I can’t see Him or even feel Him, does not mean He isn’t there. That He doesn't hear me. That He doesn't care.

So I put on my armor and fight the good fight one more day.

I revel in the blessings all around me and ask for my eyes to be opened to even more I may not see.

I wait.
I wonder.
I cling to Hope
Because Hope is all I have.
And Hope does not disappoint.

to top it all off

I can't think of a better way to enjoy candy cane love without all of the Christmas hoohah. The crushing of the canes is my favorite part. What's not to love about pulverizing hard candy with a rolling pin? It works out any aggression, frustration, or stress (not that I ever experience any of that!) and leaves me totally at peace to enjoy the sweet whipped topping goodness. And just when I thought that coffee could not be improved upon.

better with sprinkles

Butter + Flour + Sugar + Sprinkles = Love

If you know me, then you know that I love any and all kinds of desserts. I truly live a sweet life. The only thing I love more than dessert is when someone else makes it for me. Food ALWAYS tastes better when someone makes it for you. All the glory, none of the cleanup!

Welcome, Shortbread Cookies. I hungrily open my arms to you and soon my mouth too!

These cookies arrived via my son in honor of my 40th birthday. (I know your mouth is gaping wide open as you are doing crazy math thinking, "How can that be?") Yes, I cried just a little on the inside too. They were so beautiful. They tasted like Heaven and they now reside somewhere on my hips...and I also can't believe that I entered another decade of life. I have to remember to check that weird box on surveys now when they ask my age range. But I digress and there could be worse fates. I could lose all my taste buds and that would be near disastrous. Stick a fork in me; I'm done!

My awesome friend got mine signed

For my Christmas I received some wonderful baking tins and a killer book dedicated to the art of making my mouth water, so this girl is going to be heatin' up her kitchen to produce some delectable masterpieces of her own. One small disclaimer: lots and lots of peanuts will be injured the making of these creations. There is a happy place in my brain that lights up when I eat peanut butter. There is another happy place that lights up when I eat chocolate (I am a woman after all). But when I eat both at the same time: Mind blown.

Cheers, my friends! Here's to whatever sweet adventure comes your way next!

be inspired

I just can't stop smiling!

As I venture into another year, I have decided to do life a little differently than the previous 39 that I have lived on this planet.

I'm going to start blogging again and doing heavy journaling and other personal writing. I have all of these ideas locked up inside my head just begging to escape the insanity and materialize for all the world to see.

I know you are wondering who this dapper fellow is to the right. Believe it or not, he is my muse. When there is a story that needs to be told, he is the only one that can do it with gusto and humor. He doesn't fear rejection and he isn't shy. He knows he's hot stuff, super likeable and undeniably adorable. 

So let's go on a journey together this year. 

I hope to make you laugh more than cry. Entertain and enlighten. Inspire and motivate. Wonder and ponder. Dream and imagine. 

And since everything is better with chocolate and jewelry, I may also post pictures of my creations of sweet indulgences for the belly and the eyes!

Thanks for coming along with me!